4則爆笑雷人英語學(xué)笑話
你知道我是干嘛的嗎 Do You Know My Work
One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.
Before I came out, said one, I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them.
You don't know my work, said the other.
What is your work?
I'm a policeman.
Oh! cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, and do you know my work? No, said the policeman.
I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened.
一天晚上，一家旅館失火，住在這家旅館里的人穿著睡衣就跑了出來。
兩個人站在外面，看著大火。
在我出來之前，其中一個說，我跑進一些房間，找到了一大筆錢。人在恐懼中是不會想到錢的。如果有人把紙幣留在火里，火就會把它燒成灰燼，所以我把我所能找到的鈔票都拿走了，沒有人會因為我拿走它們而變得更窮。
你不知道我是干什么的，另一個說。
你是干什么的?
我是警察。
噢!第一個人喊了一聲，他靈機一動，說：那你知道我是干什么的?不知道。警察說。
我是個作家，我總是愛編一些從未發(fā)生過的故事。
良好的心愿 Good wishes
One day a boy came to his teacher and said: Teacher, pa wants to know if you like roast(烘烤) pig.
I certainly do, said the teacher, and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.
Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.
Finally the teacher said to the boy: I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig.
Yes, said the boy, he did intend to, but the pig got well.
一天有個男孩去對他老師說：老師，我爸想知道你是不是愛吃烤豬肉。
當然啰，老師說，去告訴你父親，多謝他想著我。
好幾天過去了，再沒提起烤豬肉的事兒。
最后老師對男孩說：我以為你父親要給我送點烤豬肉來呢。
是啊，孩子說，他是這么想的`，可后來豬又沒病了。
繩子還是公牛? Rope or Ox?
The man in the prison asked a new comer why he was sent there. The new comer answered: "I am out of luck, I think. A few days ago I was walking in the street when I saw a piece of dirty rope. I thought nobody wanted it and so I picked it up and took it home."
"But it is not against the law to pick up a piece of rope and take home!"
"I told you I had bad luck, didn't I?" the man sighed, "The trouble is that I didn't notice there was an ox at the other end of that rope."
在監(jiān)獄里，一個人問新來的犯人為什么被關(guān)進來。新來的犯人回答說：“我想我真是倒霉。幾天前我在街上走的時候，看到一根臟繩子，以為沒人要了，便撿起來帶了回家。”
“但是，撿一根繩子帶回家并不犯法啊!”“我告訴過你我倒霉了吧?”那個人嘆了口氣，“麻煩的就是我沒有注意到繩子的那一頭還有一頭公牛。”
推薦信 Letter of Recommendation
When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter the next day. The following morning, Peters found a letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for 11 years.When he left us, we were very satisfied."
彼得斯聽說自己被解雇了，便去見人力資源部的頭頭。“既然我在公司干了這么久，”他說，“我想至少該給我一封推薦信。”
人力資源部主任同意了，并說他第二天就可拿到該信。第二天早上，彼得斯在他的桌子上看一封信，上面寫道：“喬納森·彼得斯在我們公司干了11年。當他離去的時候，我們很滿意。”
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