初中英語幽默笑話
During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1million U.S.
The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
在二十世紀(jì)六十年代，美國和蘇聯(lián)正處于太空競賽的白熱化階段，美國航空航天局決定研制一種圓珠筆，以便在太空艙重力為零的環(huán)境下仍然可以書寫。經(jīng)過大量的研發(fā)工作，花費了大約一百萬美元的成本，太空筆終于研制出來了。那支筆果然可以在太空書寫，在回到地球后，作為一樣新奇的小玩意兒也確實吸引了一些目光。
而面臨著同樣難題的蘇聯(lián)，則選擇了一支鉛筆。
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.
When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.
When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.
I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.
我做事情花了長時間，是效率低;
老板做事情花了長時間，是深思熟慮。
我沒有做完事情，是懶惰;
老板沒有做完事情，是太繁忙。
沒有人告訴我的事情我做了，是自作聰明;
老板做了同樣的事情，是首創(chuàng)。
我取悅老板，是獻媚;
老板取悅他的老板，是合作。
我干得好，老板從來不會想起;
我干得不好，老板從來不會忘記。
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said,
"That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch."
老師正在給學(xué)生上生物課：“現(xiàn)在，我將要給你們看我袋子里的這只青蛙。”接著，他把手伸進口袋，卻拿出了一份雞肉三文治。老師滿臉困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一會兒，說道：“真奇怪。我明明記得我已經(jīng)把午飯吃掉了。”
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
一天，小女孩從學(xué)校回到家里，對媽媽說：“媽媽，今天在學(xué)校里我因為一件我沒有做的事情而受到懲罰。”
媽媽激動地說：“那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老師好好談一談，對了，你沒有做過的.那件事是什么?”
小女孩回答說：“我的家庭作業(yè)。”
An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in
prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.
He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"
At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.
Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
一個老人獨居在北愛爾蘭，他的獨生子正在坐牢。老人想在花園里種些土豆，但不知道誰可以幫忙把泥土翻松。他寫信想兒子提及此事，兒子回信說道：“看在上帝的面上，千萬不要翻松花園的泥土，我把槍埋在那兒了。”
第二天凌晨4點，一隊英國士兵出現(xiàn)在老人家中，在花園把土地翻遍，但并沒有找到任何槍支。”
老人寫信告訴兒子這件奇怪的事情，問到底發(fā)生了什么事情，下一步應(yīng)該怎么做。
兒子回信道：“你只管種土豆好了。”
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