幽默英語(yǔ)笑話大全帶翻譯笑破你的肚子
一天他和伙伴們練習(xí)射擊，除了彼得其他人都沒有問題。他射了九次，一次也沒有命中目標(biāo)。更多英語(yǔ)笑話盡在應(yīng)屆畢業(yè)生笑話網(wǎng)。
Reason of Punishment
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.
The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?
The little girl replied, My homework.
懲罰的原因
一天，小女孩從學(xué)�；氐郊依铮瑢�(duì)媽媽說：媽媽，今天在學(xué)校里我因?yàn)橐患覜]有做的事情而受到懲罰。
媽媽激動(dòng)地說：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的`老師好好談一談，對(duì)了，你沒有做過的那件事是什么?
小女孩回答說：我的家庭作業(yè)。
慚愧的士兵 Ashamed Soldier
Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting.
One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!
Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.
Heavens! The officer said. Has that silly man really shot himself?
He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. I'm sorry, sir, he said, but I missed again.
彼得十八歲那年參了軍，他需要參加幾個(gè)月的學(xué)習(xí)以成為一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射擊不行。
一天他和伙伴們練習(xí)射擊，除了彼得其他人都沒有問題。他射了九次，一次也沒有命中目標(biāo)。這時(shí)，教新兵射擊的教官說：彼得，你看來是沒希望了，不要連最后一發(fā)子彈都浪費(fèi)掉!去那堵墻后面用它向自己打一槍吧。
彼得感到非常慚愧。他走到那堵墻后面。幾分鐘后，教官和新兵們聽到一聲槍響。
上帝!教官叫起來，難道那個(gè)笨蛋真的朝自己開槍了?
誦讀課
I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual，and could hardly read.There was a book used by the leaners in reading calledDialogues between a Missionary and an Indian.It was a poor performance，full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces.The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school，the master standing behind him.
The lesson was to begin.The poor fellow，whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops，stood half looking at the book，and half casting his eye towards the right of him， whence the blows were to proceed.The master looked over him，and his hand was ready.I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ;but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport，and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed：
Master.Now，young man，have a care ;or I'll set you a swingeing task.(A common phrase of his.)
Pupil(making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity，and neverremembering his stop at the wordMissionary).Missionary Can you see the wind?
(Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek.)
Pupil(raising his voice to a cry，and still forgetting his stop).Indian No!
Master.Zounds，young man!have a care how you provoke me!
Pupil(always forgetting the stop).Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing?
(Here a terrible thump.)
Pupil(with a shout of agony). Indian Because I feel it.
當(dāng)年我有個(gè)同學(xué)，入學(xué)比常規(guī)的年齡要遲，而且?guī)缀跬耆粫?huì)讀書。那時(shí)有個(gè)學(xué)生用的閱讀課本，叫做《傳教士和印第安人的對(duì)話》。課本不怎么樣，盡是不得要領(lǐng)的論說和一些老生常談。那孩子常常手拿該課本出現(xiàn)在學(xué)校中央，身后站著教師。
授課即將開始。那可憐的學(xué)生的毛病在于他讀音節(jié)時(shí)語(yǔ)調(diào)深沉地拖長(zhǎng)腔并略去應(yīng)有的停頓。他站立著，三心二意地看著書，一面向身子右邊瞄去，因?yàn)榇驌魧?huì)來自那個(gè)方向。教師盯視著他，手已擺出了打人的架勢(shì)。因?yàn)闀r(shí)隔已久，我的引述可能不很確切，但就我所憶，先生和學(xué)生的一次對(duì)話的要旨大致如下：
老師：年輕人，小心點(diǎn);要不我可要讓你狠狠吃點(diǎn)苦頭。(這是他的口頭禪。)
學(xué)生：(大難臨頭，身體猛然一搖閃，根本記不得在傳教士一詞后應(yīng)該停頓。)傳教士你能看見風(fēng)嗎?
(教師扇了他一耳光。)
學(xué)生：(提高了嗓音，幾乎是在哭喊，但仍不記得要停頓)印第安人不能啊!
教師：該死!年輕人，小心點(diǎn)別惹我發(fā)火!
學(xué)生：(一如既往漏掉停頓)傳教士那你怎么知道有這樣一種東西呢?
(這時(shí)來了重重一擊。)
學(xué)生：(痛苦地叫喊)印第安人因?yàn)槲腋杏X到了。
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