新篇英語笑話3則
A Man Who Said No 說不的男子
A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.
Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"
At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"
我的一位朋友看到一個(gè)男子在時(shí)代廣場的地鐵車站搖搖晃晃地走。那個(gè)人穿著時(shí)髦，敞著懷，一個(gè)手提箱在他的手里懸吊著，很明顯他是多喝了一杯。
我朋友問他怎么樣，那男子含糊而肯定地回答說沒問題。然而我朋友就是不能眼看著有人在紐約地鐵獨(dú)入是非之地而置之不顧。他跟在那家伙的后面，又一次問道：“你肯定你沒事?你在找哪個(gè)地鐵站?你需要幫忙回家嗎?”
他所注意的對象終于忍耐不住了，對他低聲咆哮道：“你給我走開!我是便衣警察!”
博士與小廝
A wealthy old lady who lived near Dr.Swift used to send him presents occasionally by her servant.Dr.Swift took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his trouble.One day as Swift was busy with his writing， the boy rushed into his room， knocked some books out of their place， threw his parcelon the desk and said，“ my mistress has sent you two of herrab bits.” Swift turned round and said，“My boy， that is not the way to deliver your parcel.Now， you sit in my chair，watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson.” The boy sat down. Swift went out， knocked on his door and waited. The boy said“Come in.” The doctor entered，walked to his desk and said，“If you please sir， my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this morning in her fields.” The boy answered，“Thank you， my boy， Give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself.” The Doctor laughed， and after that， Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip.
在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老婦人，她時(shí)常打發(fā)仆人給他送禮物。斯威夫特博士接受她的禮物，但從不給小廝任何酬謝。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙著寫東西，小廝沖進(jìn)了他的房間，把書一扒拉，將一個(gè)包裹扔在書桌上，說道：“我的女主人送給你兩只兔子。” 斯威夫特轉(zhuǎn)過身來說：“孩子，包裹可不是這樣送法呀。現(xiàn)在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎么送的，并要記取這個(gè)教訓(xùn)。” 小廝坐了下來，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲門，等待回音。小廝說“進(jìn)來”。博士進(jìn)了門，走到桌旁說道：“先生，我的`女主人向您致以親切的問候，并希望您收下這些兔子，這是她兒子今天早晨在地里打的。” 小廝回答說：“謝謝你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的兒子致謝，謝謝他們的關(guān)心。這兩個(gè)先令是送給你本人的。” 博士笑了，打那以后，斯威夫特從沒忘記送小費(fèi)給小廝。
The ability of the Kangaroo 袋鼠的能力
The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?"
"I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.
動(dòng)物園為剛引進(jìn)的袋鼠建了一個(gè)特殊的八英尺高的圍墻。但是第二天早上，人們發(fā)現(xiàn)這動(dòng)物在圍墻外面蹦跳著。于是圍墻高度增加到十五英尺，但袋鼠還是跑了出來。動(dòng)物園經(jīng)理甚感惱火，又叫人把圍墻高度加到三十英尺，但袋鼠還是逃了出來。一個(gè)長頸鹿問袋鼠：“你認(rèn)為他們會(huì)把圍墻建到多高?” “我不知道，”袋鼠說，“如果他們繼續(xù)開著大門，可能要修到一千英尺吧。”
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