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逗趣經典英語笑話（通用12個）
笑話是一個漢語詞匯，意思是引人發笑的話或事情。笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。以下是小編給大家整理的逗趣經典英語笑話，歡迎閱讀！
逗趣經典英語笑話 1
The Rain
A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard. They did not have their umbrella with them， and there was nowhere to hide from the rain， so they were soon very wet， and the small boy did not feel very happy.
For a long time while they were walking home through the rain， the boy was thinking. Then at last he turned to his father and said to him，“Why does it rain， Father? It isnt very nice， is it?”
“No， it isnt very nice， but its very useful，Tom，”answered his father.“It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us， and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep.”
Tom thought about this for a few seconds， and then he said，“Then，why does it rain on the road too， Father?”
下雨
一個小男孩和他的父親正在鄉間行走，突然下起了大雨。
他們沒帶傘，加上四下無處可以躲雨，所以很快他們渾身上下被淋濕了，小男孩感到很不好受。
他們在雨中朝家走去，有好一會兒，那個男孩一直在思索著什么。后來終于他朝父親轉過臉去，問他說:“爸爸，為什么天會下雨呢?下雨可不太好，是吧?”
“是呀，下雨是不太好，可是下雨也有很多有益的地方，湯姆。”父親回答說。“老天爺下雨促使了為我們所食用的水果和蔬菜的生長，同樣也促使牛羊所吃的青草的'生長�！�
湯姆對父親的這番話想了一會，然后說:“那么，父親，老天爺為什么還要把雨下在路上呢?”
逗趣經典英語笑話 2
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
一個女人起訴一個男人誹謗。她指控這個男人罵她是頭豬。男人被叛有罪并受到處罰。
After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
審判結束后,他問法官“這么說我可以管一頭豬叫約翰遜夫人嗎?”
The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.
法官說事實是這樣的�！澳鞘遣皇钦f我可以管一頭豬叫約翰遜夫人嗎?”那個人問。
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
法官回答道他完全可以管一頭豬叫約翰遜夫人,無需害怕采取法律行動。
The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
男人馬上看著約翰遜夫人說:“下午好,約翰遜夫人�！�
逗趣經典英語笑話 3
Peter joined the army when he was eighteen,and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier.He did quite well in everything except shooting.One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting,and all of them were doing quite well except Peter.After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once,the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said,"Youre quite hopeless,Peter!Dont waste your last bullet too!Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!"
Peter felt ashamed.He went behind the wall,and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.
"Heavens!" the officer said."Has that silly man really shot himself?"
He ran behind the wall anxiously,but Peter was all right."Im sorry,sir," he said,"but I missed again."
彼得十八歲那年參了軍,他需要參加幾個月的學習以成為一名好士兵.彼得在其他方面都做得很好,但是射擊不行.一天他和伙伴們練習射擊,除了彼得其他人都沒有問題.他射了九次,一次也沒有命中目標.這時,教新兵射擊的教官說：“彼得,你看來是沒希望了,不要連最后一發子彈都浪費掉!去那堵墻后面用它向自己打一槍吧.”
彼得感到非常慚愧.他走到那堵墻后面.幾分鐘后,教官和新兵們聽到一聲槍響.
“上帝!”教官叫起來,“難道那個笨蛋真的`朝自己開槍了?”
他急忙跑到那堵墻后面,發現彼得安然無恙.“對不起,長官,”他說,“我還是沒有命中.”
逗趣經典英語笑話 4
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "Ive got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think theres somebody under it. Im going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and Ill cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." Ill sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didnt you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Aint nobody under there now!
逗趣經典英語笑話 5
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.
Now, he asked, "Whats the meaning of the word Drunk, dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " theres only ONE policeman!"
逗趣經典英語笑話 6
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case.
It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.
“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.
"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary．my husband confessed.
逗趣經典英語笑話 7
A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes.
Frantically, she called to the father outside. "Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes!What shall I do? "Yelled back the father,"Keep feeding him nickels!"
逗趣經典英語笑話 8
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water.""But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.""Wait a minute," roared the patron. "
The other tap is also marked C.""Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
逗趣經典英語笑話 9
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"
兩個獵人在森林里打獵，突然一人暈倒了。他的呼吸停止，眼神呆滯。另外一個人掏出手機，撥打911。
“我想我的`朋友死了！”他喊道，“我該怎么辦？”
接線員說：“請冷靜。首先，請確認他是否真的死了�！苯又魂嚦良�，然后是一聲槍響�；氐诫娫捴�，獵人接著說：“好了，然后呢？”
逗趣經典英語笑話 10
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.
我陪丈夫一起出差，他帶著他的筆記本電腦。到了機場出口處時， 有位檢查員要他打開包。但是包鎖上了，機場工作人員耐心地等著我那窘迫的丈夫設法回想起暗鎖的密碼。最后他終于想起來了。
“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.
”你為什么那么緊張呢？“我問他。
"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary．my husband confessed.
“密碼是我們的.結婚紀念日。”他承認道”
你太晚了 You are too late 幽默笑話
逗趣經典英語笑話 11
At the police department, the phone rang. “Hallo, hallo!”
the policeman answered. “I’ve lost my cat!”
And the policeman said, “I’m sorry, sir,
that’s not the job of the police. We’re too busy!”
The person said, “But you don’t understand. This is a very
intelligent cat! He’s almost human; he can practically talk!”
So the policeman said, “Then you’d better hang up.
He might be trying to call you!”
警察局的電話響了，警察接起電話說：「喂!喂!」
「我的.貓不見了!」警察說：「先生，很抱歉!
這不是警察的職責，我們太忙了!」
對方說：「但是你不了解，這是一只很聰明的貓，
他幾乎像人一樣可以說話!」于是警察說道：
「那你最好掛斷電話，他可能正試著打電話給你!」
逗趣經典英語笑話 12
a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"what was that for?", the man asked.
一個男人坐在那兒看報紙,他的老婆用煎鍋打他的.頭。
"那是為什么?",那人問道。
the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".
the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."
the wife apologized and went on with the housework.
妻子回答說,"這張紙上寫的名字珍妮,我在你的褲子口袋里發現的"。
那人說:"我上周看比賽,珍妮是我下注的那匹馬的名字。"
妻子道歉,繼續做家務。
three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
she replied "your horse just phoned you".
三天后，他正在看電視,他老婆用比上次大得多的煎鍋打他的頭,他頓時失去知覺。
等男人恢復了意識，問他老婆為什么打他了。
她回答說:"你的馬打電話給你"。
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