爆笑英語笑話

時間：2020-10-25 19:55:24 英語笑話我要投稿

爆笑精選英語笑話

　　因禍得福 To Profit from a Misfortune

爆笑精選英語笑話

　　A man was a butterfingers. He had been suffering from unemployment for months.

　　At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.

　　The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deducted from his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."

　　有一個人很粗心，老是打爛東西。他已失業好幾個月了。

　　最后他在一個瓷器店找到了一個工作�？墒遣鸥闪藥滋�，他就打爛了一個很大的花瓶。

　　經理把他到辦公室去，告訴他每個星期都要扣他的工錢，直到賠償夠了為止。他就問：“那個花瓶值多少錢?”經理說：“值500美元。”他很高興地說：“啊!太妙了，我非常高興，終于有個穩定的工作啦。”

　　我干得怎么樣 How did I do

　　A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

　　The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

　　Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

　　一名新警察與老警察開著警車第一次出去巡邏。他們得到命令去疏散一群閑逛的人，于是他們開車去了那條街，看到路口站著一群人。

　　新警察搖下窗戶：“大家注意了，快離開這里。”人們看了他幾眼，沒理他。他喊起來：“離開這里，馬上離開!”大家都不知道怎么回事，但是在他的'威脅下還是離開了。

　　新警察對他第一次執行公務的結果很滿意，對老警察說：“我干得怎么樣?”“你做得很好，”老警察笑著說，“尤其是在公共汽車站。”

　　The New Teacher

　　George comes from school on the first of September.

　　9月1日，喬治放學回到家里。

　　George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

　　“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問

　　I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and thre

　　有兩條褲子

　　A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

　　丈夫下班回到家里，發現自己的新娘心緒煩亂。“我心里太難受了，”她說。“我在給你熨西裝時把褲子的臀部燒了個大洞。”

　　“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

　　“沒事兒，”丈夫安慰她說。“你忘了我這套衣服有兩條褲子。”

　　“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”

　　“是的，”妻子高興地說，“幸虧你還有一條，我后來就用它來補了這個洞了。”

　　死于肝癌的人100%都吃飯

　　Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of

　　those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.

　　妻子：你瞧，根據這報上登的統計數字，那些死于肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。

　　Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat

　　meals.

　　丈夫：那就不錯了。據我調查，所有這些人都吃飯呢。