圣誕節的爆笑笑話集錦
笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。以下是小編為大家整理的圣誕節的爆笑笑話集錦相關內容，僅供參考，希望能夠幫助大家！
圣誕節的爆笑笑話 篇1
1、傳說圣誕夜晚，天上的星星發下二個心愿;一個是愿天下所有人平安快樂，另一個則是告訴正在看此訊息的幸運娃，圣誕節可以放假一天，不過請先請假!
2、今年圣誕節我只能形單影只地一個人度過。孤單冷清的感覺實在難受，如果圣誕老人可以把你送到我身邊就好了…我是薩達姆，圣誕快樂!
3、這個迷人的圣誕，你躲在家里生蛋蛋，生了一堆恐龍蛋，還有一只小雞蛋。豬，生蛋快樂!穿著紅棉襖的圣誕老人、青翠蔥籠的圣誕樹、金黃色的鈴鐺，早早地就映入了我們的眼簾，讓我們期待著圣誕節，給自己一個放松、瘋狂、娛樂的理由!
4、平安夜滿天星，是我求圣誕老公公給你的祝福。當每一絲星光接觸到你的眼光，都將化作輕柔的情呵護你甜夢到天明!愿你度過一個快樂的圣誕節!
5、好久不見!經常會想起你，無數個圣誕節的祝福，那友誼，厚厚積累的愉快記憶，人間的親情，天堂的溫馨，終于帶給了我們大家。祝你圣誕節快樂!
6、 失戀33天并不可怕，可怕的是失戀34天后，大姨媽還沒有來。
7、 情人節圣誕節，騙騙情侶也就算了，光棍們已經這么可憐了，商家還要想方設法騙他們錢，真太尼瑪不人道了啊!
8、 老媽是個吃貨，下定決心一定要減肥，每天節食。有一天，老爸做了一桌子的美味，我和老爸吃的津津有味，老媽在旁邊看的一忍再忍。最后，老爸很淡定的說，不知道你折騰啥，我又不退貨。
9、 剛和老公打車回家，到家門口時才發現悲劇了，倆人身上錢合起來還差兩塊。仨人相對無語尷尬之際，老公弱弱地說：“師傅，我們還差兩塊，你往回開一點吧…”瞬間車內安靜了、
10、當老人家偷偷爬出窗時，我深情地掉淚了，無數次他扛著沉重的裹出去出賣力氣無數次他為了某人而花白了胡子時，多么想說聲……您，老頭子，圣誕快樂哦圣誕快樂哦
圣誕節的爆笑笑話 篇2
The thief and the judgeIt was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner、 "What are you charged with?" he asked、"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant、"Thats no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?""Before the store opened," countered the prisoner、
法官與小偷那天是圣誕節，法官在審訊犯人時也有點惻隱之心。“你為什么而被起訴？”他問�！安少徥フQ節物品過早�！北桓娲��！斑@不算犯法，”法官回答，“你購物多早？”在商店開門之前，“犯人應道。
Jesuss TellyA child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib、 Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval、 The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired、"But whats that in the corner?" asked Mother、"Oh, thats their telly," replied the tot、
耶穌的電視機圣誕節時孩子要了紙和蠟筆，想畫一張耶穌誕生像。最后這件藝術品被陳列出來供父母鑒賞。他們對耶穌誕生后睡的馬槽，牧羊人，耶穌及其家庭都逐一表示贊賞�！翱墒悄莻�角落里是什么？”媽媽問�！班�，那是他們的電視機，”孩子回答說。
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
圣誕老人喜歡在花園里做什么？答案：鋤地。（英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是鋤草之意，ho則是圣誕老人的笑聲。）
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel、 Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor、 Which one of them do you think picked it up?Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
圣誕節前夕，圣誕老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律師在一家高級飯店一同等電梯，門還未開前，三人同時看到地上有一張新臺幣1000元的鈔票，猜猜誰會將它撿起？答案：當然是圣誕老人啦！為什么？因為大家都知道另外兩者并不存在。
圣誕節的爆笑笑話 篇3
1、 Into the Church進教堂
Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church、 The town hall brought in some cats、 But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back、 The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside town、 But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in、 Only the church came up with an effective solution、 They baptized the squirrels and made them members、 Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter、鎮里有三座建筑物被松鼠占領了--市政廳、五金店和教堂。市政廳引進了一些貓。但這些“獵手”撕毀了文檔，于是它們也就被市長請出了市政廳。而很快，松鼠又回來了。五金店捕捉到松鼠后，施與憐憫將它們在鎮外釋放了。但三天后，松鼠爬回鎮里來了。只有教堂采取了一種有效的解決方案。松鼠得到洗禮成為了教眾�，F在，人們只會在圣誕節和復活節時才能看到松鼠。
2、 Denomination 面額還是教派？
A woman goes to the post office and asks for 50 Hanukkah stamps、 "What denomination?" asks the clerk、 The woman says, "Six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform、"一名女士走進郵局，問職員要50張光明節紀念郵票（小編注：光明節：猶太人慶祝光明到來的節日）。職員問�！岸嗌倜骖~的？”女士說：“6張東正教，12張保守黨，32張革新派。”
3、 Good Lights 好燈
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights、 I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in、 I did, and each one lit up、 "Great," she said、 I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box、 But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed、 "I don’t want this box," she said abruptly、 "It’s been opened、"一位顧客進我們的商店買圣誕燈。我給她看了我們店里最好的牌子，但還需確認一下燈泡是否正常。她讓我把燈泡從盒子里拿出來，然后通上電。我照做了。每一個燈泡都是正常的。她說:“非常好�！蔽倚⌒囊硪淼匕堰@串圣誕燈放回盒子里�？僧斘野堰@一盒燈泡交給她時，她吃驚地看著我，突然說：“我不要這一盒，它打開過的�！�
4、 Stop the Presses讓媒體閉嘴
These holiday “headlines” — concocted by the satirists at the Onion — are completely fabricated、 And yet they have the ring of truth、 Coal Now Too Expensive to Put in Christmas Stockings, Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think, Accountants Pack Times Square for Fiscal New Year, Book Given as Gift Actually Read這些節日頭條--由全美最優質新聞媒體The Onion的諷刺作家杜撰--完全是胡編亂造，不過聽起來還真像是事實。諸如《放進圣誕襪的煤太貴了買不起》，《研究發現了紅酒間的聯系》，《讓媽媽知道你真正在想什么》，《會計人員蜂擁時代廣場慶祝新財年》，《書當圣誕禮物真有人讀》。
5、 Hiding the Presents藏禮物
I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents、 Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place、 I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room、 I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they’d remain undiscovered、 When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad, From the Kids、"早些天我就做好圣誕購物并包裝好所有的禮物了。因為有兩個好奇的孩子，我需要找一個適合藏禮物的隱蔽處。我想到了一個理想的`地方--爐子間。我疊好禮物，用一塊毯子把它們蓋起來，覺得它們肯定不會被發現。當我去拿禮物想把它們放在圣誕樹下時，我掀開毯子，看到，在我準備好的禮物上面整齊地疊放著另一些禮物，上面寫著“給爸爸媽媽，你們的寶貝”。
6、 Gift Exchange交換禮物
My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework、 One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ____、” His response: “Receipts、”我朋友在檢查她兒子的填空題家庭作業。有一行：“在圣誕節，我們和____交換禮物�！彼拇鸢福骸笆論！�
7、 Limited Knowledge知識有限
As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one、 "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate、 "You can’t do that," argued my four-year-old、 "Don’t worry、 Santa will never know、" He shot me a look、 "So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know the cookie fell on the floor?"平安夜那天，在我們分發餅干時，我一不小心掉了一塊到地上。“沒關系�！蔽乙贿呎f，一邊撿起來，并在放回盤子前撣掉了上面的灰�！澳悴荒苣敲醋觥！蔽宜臍q大的孩子爭論道�！皠e擔心，圣誕老人不會知道的。”他朝我瞟了一眼。“這就是說他知道我有沒有做壞事，而他不知道餅干掉在地上過？”
8、 Odd Christmas Visit奇怪的圣誕拜訪
From an article on the Woolacombe Bay Hotel in Devon, England: "Their three-night Christmas break includes a packed program of family entertainment, a crèche, excellent cuisine, and a visit from Satan、"英格蘭德文郡Woolacombe海灣酒店有一篇文章：“他們的三日圣誕假期套餐包括家庭娛樂、育嬰托管、美味佳肴，還有撒旦來訪”。
9、 Quick Cleanup快速清掃
Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up、 She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom、 Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly、 Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains、 It read "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub、"不速之客就在路上，我媽媽，一個完美的家庭主婦，正忙里忙外地整理。她分配給我爸和我哥哥的任務是打掃供客人使用的浴室。一會兒之后，當她去檢查的時候，她吃驚了，曾經一度雜亂的房間瞬間就被打掃干凈了。接著她看到浴簾上有一張紙條，紙條上寫著：“謝謝你沒往浴缸里看�！�
10、 Post Holiday Blues假日里的郁悶事
A waitress at our restaurant had a change of clothes stolen from the break room、 Making matters worse, she’d planned on wearing them to the Christmas party、 As a brand-new employee, I didn’t know any of this backstory, so I was a bit surprised to find this indignant note posted on the community board: "It has been two weeks since the Christmas party, and I still have not found my clothes、"
我們飯館里一位女服務員的一套換洗的衣服在休息室里失竊了。更糟的是，她原本計劃穿著那套去參加圣誕聚會。作為一個新員工，我并不知道這個幕后故事，因此當我發現這張充滿怒氣的紙條貼在社區公告欄里時，有點吃驚。紙條上寫著：“圣誕聚會已經過去兩個星期了，但我始終還沒找回我的衣服�！�
11、 Easy to Forgive輕易寬恕
Late for a seminar and unable to find parking, I pulled into a spot behind a church、 It was only after I’d gotten out of the car that I spotted this sign: "No parking、 Forgiveness is our business, but don’t make it harder than it already is、"因為研討會遲到，現在找不到停車的地方，于是我把車停在了教堂后面。直到我從車里出來我才看到這個標志牌：“不準停車！寬恕是我們的職責，但是不要給原已糟糕的現狀添堵了。”
12、 Waiting for Christmas等待圣誕節
My wife took our three-year-old to church for the first time、 Getting impatient while waiting for the Mass to start, he turned to her and asked, "What time does Jesus get here?" 我妻子第一次帶我們三歲大的孩子去教堂。在彌撒曲開始前我們等了很久，孩子等的不耐煩了，轉向媽媽問：“耶穌什么時候來這里？”
13、 Christmas Eve Service平安夜禱告
Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed、 The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary、 Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"就在我開始平安夜禱告時，教堂停電了。教堂里的接待人員和我找到一些蠟燭，把它們放在禮堂周圍。然后我重返講道壇，整理了一下筆記后，我說：“剛才我講到哪兒了？”傳來一陣不耐煩的聲音：“馬上就講完了！”
圣誕節的爆笑笑話 篇4
查理每年都向他老爸吵著要圣誕樹，他老爸總是說太貴了，不想買。
今年圣誕節又到了，查理的老爸實在被他吵得頭疼，于是提起斧子出了門。過了一刻鐘，老爸扛著一棵大個的圣誕樹回來了。查理高興地大叫起來，“老爸，你真了不起，才花一刻鐘就砍了這么大的一棵樹回來！”
老爸拍拍他的后腦勺說，“傻小子，砍樹哪有那么快，我是從集市上帶回來的�！�
查理問：“你不是嫌貴不想買的嗎？”
老爸說：“沒看我帶了斧子嗎？”
時間早了
圣誕佳節到來，法官心情愉悅地問受審人：“你干了什么壞事呀？”
“我今年圣誕購物早了些，”犯人哭著回答。
“那并不是件壞事，”法官說，“到底多早��？”
“商店開門之前，”犯人答道。
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