圣誕節爆笑笑話

圣誕節經典爆笑笑話

　　笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。以下是小編整理的圣誕節經典爆笑笑話，歡迎閱讀。

　　1. Into the Church進教堂

　　Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back. The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside town. But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in. Only the church came up with an effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and made them members. Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.鎮里有三座建筑物被松鼠占領了--市政廳、五金店和教堂。市政廳引進了一些貓。但這些“獵手”撕毀了文檔，于是它們也就被市長請出了市政廳。而很快，松鼠又回來了。五金店捕捉到松鼠后，施與憐憫將它們在鎮外釋放了。但三天后，松鼠爬回鎮里來了。只有教堂采取了一種有效的解決方案。松鼠得到洗禮成為了教眾。現在，人們只會在圣誕節和復活節時才能看到松鼠。

　　2. Denomination 面額還是教派？

　　A woman goes to the post office and asks for 50 Hanukkah stamps. "What denomination?" asks the clerk. The woman says, "Six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."一名女士走進郵局，問職員要50張光明節紀念郵票（小編注：光明節：猶太人慶祝光明到來的節日）。職員問。“多少面額的？”女士說：“6張東正教，12張保守黨，32張革新派�！�

　　3. Good Lights 好燈

　　A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don’t want this box," she said abruptly. "It’s been opened."一位顧客進我們的商店買圣誕燈。我給她看了我們店里最好的牌子，但還需確認一下燈泡是否正常。她讓我把燈泡從盒子里拿出來，然后通上電。我照做了。每一個燈泡都是正常的。她說:“非常好�！蔽倚⌒囊硪淼匕堰@串圣誕燈放回盒子里�？僧斘野堰@一盒燈泡交給她時，她吃驚地看著我，突然說：“我不要這一盒，它打開過的�！�

　　4. Stop the Presses讓媒體閉嘴

　　These holiday “headlines” — concocted by the satirists at the Onion — are completely fabricated. And yet they have the ring of truth. Coal Now Too Expensive to Put in Christmas Stockings, Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think, Accountants Pack Times Square for Fiscal New Year, Book Given as Gift Actually Read這些節日頭條--由全美最優質新聞媒體The Onion的諷刺作家杜撰--完全是胡編亂造，不過聽起來還真像是事實。諸如《放進圣誕襪的煤太貴了買不起》，《研究發現了紅酒間的聯系》，《讓媽媽知道你真正在想什么》，《會計人員蜂擁時代廣場慶祝新財年》，《書當圣誕禮物真有人讀》。

　　5. Hiding the Presents藏禮物

　　I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents. Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place. I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room. I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they’d remain undiscovered. When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad, From the Kids."早些天我就做好圣誕購物并包裝好所有的禮物了。因為有兩個好奇的孩子，我需要找一個適合藏禮物的隱蔽處。我想到了一個理想的地方--爐子間。我疊好禮物，用一塊毯子把它們蓋起來，覺得它們肯定不會被發現。當我去拿禮物想把它們放在圣誕樹下時，我掀開毯子，看到，在我準備好的禮物上面整齊地疊放著另一些禮物，上面寫著“給爸爸媽媽，你們的寶貝”。

　　6. Gift Exchange交換禮物

　　My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework. One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ____.” His response: “Receipts.”我朋友在檢查她兒子的填空題家庭作業。有一行：“在圣誕節，我們和____交換禮物�！彼�的答案：“收據�！�

　　7. Limited Knowledge知識有限

　　As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate. "You can’t do that," argued my four-year-old. "Don’t worry. Santa will never know." He shot me a look. "So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know the cookie fell on the floor?"平安夜那天，在我們分發餅干時，我一不小心掉了一塊到地上�！皼]關系�！蔽乙贿呎f，一邊撿起來，并在放回盤子前撣掉了上面的灰�！澳悴荒苣敲醋��！蔽宜臍q大的孩子爭論道�！皠e擔心，圣誕老人不會知道的�！彼�朝我瞟了一眼�！斑@就是說他知道我有沒有做壞事，而他不知道餅干掉在地上過？”

　　8. Odd Christmas Visit奇怪的圣誕拜訪

　　From an article on the Woolacombe Bay Hotel in Devon, England: "Their three-night Christmas break includes a packed program of family entertainment, a crèche, excellent cuisine, and a visit from Satan."英格蘭德文郡Woolacombe海灣酒店有一篇文章：“他們的三日圣誕假期套餐包括家庭娛樂、育嬰托管、美味佳肴，還有撒旦來訪”。

　　9. Quick Cleanup快速清掃

　　Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. It read "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub."不速之客就在路上，我媽媽，一個完美的家庭主婦，正忙里忙外地整理。她分配給我爸和我哥哥的任務是打掃供客人使用的浴室。一會兒之后，當她去檢查的時候，她吃驚了，曾經一度雜亂的房間瞬間就被打掃干凈了。接著她看到浴簾上有一張紙條，紙條上寫著：“謝謝你沒往浴缸里看�！�

　　10. Post Holiday Blues假日里的郁悶事

　　A waitress at our restaurant had a change of clothes stolen from the break room. Making matters worse, she’d planned on wearing them to the Christmas party. As a brand-new employee, I didn’t know any of this backstory, so I was a bit surprised to find this indignant note posted on the community board: "It has been two weeks since the Christmas party, and I still have not found my clothes."

　　我們飯館里一位女服務員的一套換洗的衣服在休息室里失竊了。更糟的是，她原本計劃穿著那套去參加圣誕聚會。作為一個新員工，我并不知道這個幕后故事，因此當我發現這張充滿怒氣的紙條貼在社區公告欄里時，有點吃驚。紙條上寫著：“圣誕聚會已經過去兩個星期了，但我始終還沒找回我的衣服�！�

　　11. Easy to Forgive輕易寬恕

　　Late for a seminar and unable to find parking, I pulled into a spot behind a church. It was only after I’d gotten out of the car that I spotted this sign: "No parking. Forgiveness is our business, but don’t make it harder than it already is."因為研討會遲到，現在找不到停車的地方，于是我把車停在了教堂后面。直到我從車里出來我才看到這個標志牌：“不準停車！寬恕是我們的職責，但是不要給原已糟糕的現狀添堵了。”

　　12. Waiting for Christmas等待圣誕節

　　My wife took our three-year-old to church for the first time. Getting impatient while waiting for the Mass to start, he turned to her and asked, "What time does Jesus get here?" 我妻子第一次帶我們三歲大的孩子去教堂。在彌撒曲開始前我們等了很久，孩子等的不耐煩了，轉向媽媽問：“耶穌什么時候來這里？”

　　13. Christmas Eve Service平安夜禱告

　　Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"就在我開始平安夜禱告時，教堂停電了。教堂里的接待人員和我找到一些蠟燭，把它們放在禮堂周圍。然后我重返講道壇，整理了一下筆記后，我說：“剛才我講到哪兒了？”傳來一陣不耐煩的聲音：“馬上就講完了！”

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