長篇英語笑話（精選14篇）
笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。下面是小編精心為大家整理的長篇英語笑話，希望大家喜歡！
長篇英語笑話 篇1
A wealthy old lady who lived near Dr．Swift used to send him presents occasionally by her servant．Dr．Swift took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his trouble．One day as Swift was busy with his writing， the boy rushed into his room， knocked some books out of their place， threw his parcelon the desk and said，“ my mistress has sent you two of herrab bits．” Swift turned round and said，“My boy， that is not the way to deliver your parcel．Now， you sit in my chair，watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson．” The boy sat down． Swift went out， knocked on his door and waited． The boy said“Come in．” The doctor entered，walked to his desk and said，“If you please sir， my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this morning in her fields．” The boy answered，“Thank you， my boy， Give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself．” The Doctor laughed， and after that， Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip．
在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老婦人，她時常打發仆人給他送禮物。斯威夫特博士接受她的禮物，但從不給小廝任何酬謝。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙著寫東西，小廝沖進了他的房間，把書一扒拉，將一個包裹扔在書桌上，說道：“我的女主人送給你兩只兔子�！� 斯威夫特轉過身來說：“孩子，包裹可不是這樣送法呀�，F在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎么送的，并要記取這個教訓�！� 小廝坐了下來，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲門，等待回音。小廝說“進來”。博士進了門，走到桌旁說道：“先生，我的女主人向您致以親切的問候，并希望您收下這些兔子，這是她兒子今天早晨在地里打的�！� 小廝回答說：“謝謝你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的兒子致謝，謝謝他們的關心。這兩個先令是送給你本人的�！� 博士笑了，打那以后，斯威夫特從沒忘記送小費給小廝。
長篇英語笑話 篇2
We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher. Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: "Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.
我們參加了一個熟人的兒子的婚禮。由于我們都不認識那個年輕人和他的新娘，所以我們決定送給他們一個實用的全家禮----一個滅火器。很明顯，這對新人大批量制作了他們的感謝信，因為我們收到了一張卡片，上面寫著：“非常感謝您的漂亮的結婚禮物，我們期待著不久就用到它�！�
長篇英語笑話 篇3
Always Thirsty
"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."
"That"s terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"
"No, but I am always thirsty!"
總感到口渴
一個男人對他的朋友說：“我動了一次手術，手術后醫生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體里了�！�
“真是太糟糕了！”朋友說道：“你覺得疼嗎？”
“不疼，可是我總感到口渴�！�
作業:
A Useful Way
Father: Jack, why do you drink so much water?
Jack: I have just had an apple, Dad.
Father: What"s that got to do with it?
Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.
長篇英語笑話 篇4
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.
三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。
Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
它們剛到咖啡店的'門口，就下起雨來。
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
于是最大的那只烏龜對最小的烏龜說，“你回家去取傘吧�！�
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."
最小的烏龜說，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去�！�
"We won't," the other two promised.
“我們不喝，”另外兩只烏龜答應說。
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
兩年后，大烏龜對中烏龜說，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來了，我們可以把它的咖啡喝掉了�！�
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."
正在這時，一個聲音從門外傳來，“你們要是喝了，我就不去。”
長篇英語笑話 篇5
"So you want another day off,”snorted the teacher to his student，Tom.“I am anxious to hear what excuse you have this time. You have been off for your grandfather's funeral four times already.”
“這么說，你又要請一天假，”老師怒氣沖沖地對他的學生湯姆說，“我倒想知道你這次找什么借口。你已經請了四次假說去參加你爺爺的葬禮�！�
Tom replied，"Today my grandma is getting married again.”
湯姆回答說:“今天是我奶奶再次舉行婚禮。”
長篇英語笑話 篇6
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一個聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開�！�
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧?”
長篇英語笑話 篇7
A School-report The father was reading the school-report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful as he read: "English, poor, French, weak, mathematics, mathematics, Fair," and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad. "Wall, Dad." Said the son, "it is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?" And he pointed to the next line, which read: "Health excellent."
學期總結 父親正在讀兒子剛剛交給他的學期總結，他的兒子滿懷希望的看著他，而他則生氣的讀著學期總結："英語,差;法語,中;數學,良."然后,他厭惡地看著那個正在抖動著身子的小子."恩,老爸."兒子說:"那沒有達到本來應該達到的優秀水平，不過你沒看到那兒?"他指著下一行，讀到："健康狀況，優秀。" 鮮艷)
長篇英語笑話 篇8
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.
一個被告卷入了一樁牽涉大筆資金的訴訟案，他去找他的律師。
A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.
如果我輸了這場官司，我就完了。
B:It's in the judge's hand now.
這事掌握在法官的手上。
A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?
如果我給法官送一箱雪茄，會不會起點作用?
B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.
哦.不會的!這位法官很固執，非常注意職業道德。這種花招只會讓他對你產生偏見，他甚至會認為你蔑視法庭。事實上，你甚至都不用對他微笑。
With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,
最后，法官作了一個有利于被告的判決，當被告離開法院時。
A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.
謝謝你關于雪茄的忠告，這很管用。
B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.
如果你送了的話，我肯定會輸掉這場官司。
A:But did send them.
但是我的確送了。
B:What? You did?!
什么?你送了?!
A:Yes.That's how we won the case.
對，這就是我們會贏這場官司的原因。
B:I don't understand.
我不明白。
A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.
這很簡單，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一張名片。
長篇英語笑話 篇9
長篇英語笑話 篇10
On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course.
大學的第一天，文學課我坐在了前排。
The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.
教授告訴我們這學期必須得讀五本書，他提供我們可供選擇的作者名單。
Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."
隨后他緩步走上講臺，拿出課本，“貝克、布萊克、布魯斯、卡特、庫克…”
I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."
為了寫下所有的名字，我不得不瘋狂的作著記錄。這時有人輕輕的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的學生悄悄告訴我：“他在點名呢�！�
長篇英語笑話 篇11
What Are The Two Words？A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter．“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me．I wish you would promise me never to use two words．One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’．Would you promise me that？ “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl．“What are the two words？”
一個非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說�！拔矣H愛的，”老夫人說：“我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應永遠不要用兩個詞。一個是‘討厭的’，另一個是‘極好的’。你能答應我嗎？” “噢，當然，奶奶�！迸⒄f：“是哪兩個詞？”
長篇英語笑話 篇12
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"
兩個獵人在森林里打獵，突然一人暈倒了。他的呼吸停止，眼神呆滯。另外一個人掏出手機，撥打911。
“我想我的朋友死了！”他喊道，“我該怎么辦？”
接線員說：“請冷靜。首先，請確認他是否真的死了�！苯又魂嚦良牛缓笫且宦晿岉�。回到電話中，獵人接著說：“好了，然后呢？”
長篇英語笑話 篇13
A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard． They did not have their umbrella with them， and there was nowhere to hide from the rain， so they were soon very wet， and the small boy did not feel very happy． For a long time while they were walking home through the rain， the boy was thinking． Then at last he turned to his father and said to him，“Why does it rain， Father？ It isn't very nice， is it？” “No， it isn't very nice， but it's very useful，Tom，”answered his father．“It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us， and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep．” Tom thought about this for a few seconds， and then he said，“Then，why does it rain on the road too， Father？”
一個小男孩和他的父親正在鄉間行走，突然下起了大雨。 他們沒帶傘，加上四下無處可以躲雨，所以很快他們渾身上下被淋濕了，小男孩感到很不好受。 他們在雨中朝家走去，有好一會兒，那個男孩一直在思索著什么。后來終于他朝父親轉過臉去，問他說：“爸爸，為什么天會下雨呢？下雨可不太好，是吧？” “是呀，下雨是不太好，可是下雨也有很多有益的地方，湯姆。”父親回答說。“老天爺下雨促使了為我們所食用的水果和蔬菜的生長，同樣也促使牛羊所吃的青草的生長�！� 湯姆對父親的這番話想了一會，然后說：“那么，父親，老天爺為什么還要把雨下在路上呢？”
長篇英語笑話 篇14
A PresentKate: Mom, do you know what I"m going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I"ve got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven"t. I"ve just dropped it.
凱特的禮物
凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什么生日禮物嗎？
媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什么呀？
凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。
媽媽：可是我已經有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。
凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。
作業：
The Doctor Knows Better
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I"m not dead. I"m still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
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