英語笑話簡(jiǎn)短搞笑
英語笑話既能讓我們快樂，也能讓我們學(xué)到英語知識(shí)，何樂而不為呢?下面是小編精心整理的英語笑話簡(jiǎn)短搞笑，僅供參考，希望能夠幫助到大家。
英語笑話簡(jiǎn)短搞笑1
A man walked into a doctor's examining room
一個(gè)人走進(jìn)一家診所。
A:Put out your tongue.
伸出你的舌頭。
B:OK.
好的。
Then he put out his tongue and the doctor looked at it quickly.
于是他伸出舌頭，醫(yī)生很快地看了一下。
A:You can put your tongue back now. It's clear what's wrong with you.You need more exercise.
好吧，把舌頭伸回去吧，你的病因很明顯，你需要更多的運(yùn)動(dòng)。
B:But，doctor, I don't think...
但是，醫(yī)生，我不認(rèn)為……
A:Don't tell me what you think，I am the doctor，not you，I know what you need.I see hundreds of people like you.None of them get any exercis e.They sit in offices all day and in front of the television in the evening.What you need is to walk quickly for at least twenty mi-nutes a day.
不要告訴我你認(rèn)為怎么樣，我是醫(yī)生，不是你。我知道你需要什么。我看過數(shù)以百計(jì)像你這樣的病人。他們沒有一個(gè)人鍛煉過。他們整天坐在辦公室里，晚上就坐在電視機(jī)前。你所需要的就是每天至少快跑20分鐘。
B:Doctor.you don't understand.I...
醫(yī)生，你不知道，我……
A:I don't want to hear any excuses. You must find time for exercise.If you don't，you will get fat and have health problems when you are o1der.
我不想聽任何理由。你應(yīng)該抽出時(shí)間來運(yùn)動(dòng)，如果你不鍛煉，那么當(dāng)你老的時(shí)候，你就會(huì)變得很胖，并且有健康問題。
B:But I walk everyday.
但我每天都走路的。
A:Oh，yes，and I know what kind of walking that is. You walk a few feet from your home to the station，and a few more feet from the sta- lion to your office，and a few more feet fr om your office to a restaurant for much and back. That's not real walking. I'm talking about a walk in the park for twenty minutes every day.
喔，是的。我知道那是一種怎樣的散步，你走幾英尺的路，從家到火車站，又走幾英尺從車站到辦公室，然后走幾英尺從辦公室到餐館中吃中飯?jiān)倩貋�。那不是真正的散步。我所說的是每天在公園中散步20分鐘。
B:(Shouting)Will you listen to me. doctor t I am a mailman and I walk for seven hour every day.
(叫喊著)請(qǐng)聽我說，醫(yī)生!我是一名郵遞員，我每天得走7小時(shí)的路。
A:(Being silent for a moment) Put your tongue out again，will you?
(悶在那里半天不語)再把你的舌頭伸出來，行嗎?
英語笑話簡(jiǎn)短搞笑2
Tom’s Birthday
It was Tom’s birthday,and he was five years old.He got quite a lot of nice birthday presents from his family,and one of them was a beartiful big drum.
“Who gave him thay thing?”answered Tom’s mother.
“Oh,”said his father.
Of course,Tom liked his drum very much.He made terrible noise with is,but his mother did not mind.His father was working during the day,and Tom was in bed when he got home in the evening,so he did not hear the noise.
But one of the neighbours did not like noise at all.So one morning a few days later she took a sharp knife and went to Tom’s house while he was hitting his drum.She said to him,”Hello,Tom,do you know,there’s something very nice inside your drum.Here is a knitf.Open the frum and let’s find it.”
那天是湯姆五歲的生日，他從家人那里得到了很多不錯(cuò)的禮物，其中有一件禮物是一只漂亮的大鼓。
“這是誰給他的呢?”湯姆媽媽問道。
“哦�！卑职终f。
當(dāng)然，湯姆非常喜歡這個(gè)大鼓。雖然他敲鼓的聲音很難聽，但媽媽卻從不在意。湯姆爸爸因?yàn)榘滋旃ぷ�，而且�?dāng)爸爸回家時(shí)湯姆已經(jīng)睡覺了，所以爸爸并沒有聽見過這些噪音。
但是，他們的一位鄰居非常不高興。幾天后的一個(gè)早上，當(dāng)她又一次聽到湯姆的噪音時(shí)，她帶著鋒利的小刀來到湯姆家：”嘿，湯姆，你知道嗎你的鼓里有好東西，打開它，我們一起找找那好東西吧
英語笑話簡(jiǎn)短搞笑3
A PresentKate: Mom, do you know what I"m going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I"ve got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven"t. I"ve just dropped it.
凱特的禮物
凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什么生日禮物嗎？
媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什么呀？
凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。
媽媽：可是我已經(jīng)有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。
凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。
作業(yè)：
The Doctor Knows Better
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I"m not dead. I"m still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
英語笑話簡(jiǎn)短搞笑4
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.
三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。
Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
它們剛到咖啡店的.門口，就下起雨來。
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
于是最大的那只烏龜對(duì)最小的烏龜說，“你回家去取傘吧。”
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."
最小的烏龜說，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
"We won't," the other two promised.
“我們不喝，”另外兩只烏龜答應(yīng)說。
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
兩年后，大烏龜對(duì)中烏龜說，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來了，我們可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."
正在這時(shí)，一個(gè)聲音從門外傳來，“你們要是喝了，我就不去�！�
英語笑話簡(jiǎn)短搞笑5
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一個(gè)聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開�！�
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會(huì)空著手來吧?”
英語笑話簡(jiǎn)短搞笑6
"So you want another day off,”snorted the teacher to his student，Tom.“I am anxious to hear what excuse you have this time. You have been off for your grandfather's funeral four times already.”
“這么說，你又要請(qǐng)一天假，”老師怒氣沖沖地對(duì)他的學(xué)生湯姆說，“我倒想知道你這次找什么借口。你已經(jīng)請(qǐng)了四次假說去參加你爺爺?shù)脑岫Y�！�
Tom replied，"Today my grandma is getting married again.”
湯姆回答說:“今天是我奶奶再次舉行婚禮�！�
英語笑話簡(jiǎn)短搞笑7
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)
三個(gè)互相爭(zhēng)生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價(jià)!”“特便宜!”
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價(jià)!”“大折扣!”
中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個(gè)大招牌，上面只簡(jiǎn)單地寫著：“入口處”。
Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營(yíng)中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個(gè)大軍營(yíng)中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會(huì)上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對(duì)她說，“我明天就要出國(guó)，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會(huì)很高興�！杯偼饬耍谑撬麄儙讉�(gè)月里一直通著信。
后來，他再?zèng)]有來信。她收到了另一個(gè)軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個(gè)部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。
瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對(duì)護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說，“我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯�！�
“這里只有親屬可以探望病人。”護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說。
“噢，是的，”瓊說，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高興認(rèn)識(shí)你，”護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說，“我是他的母親。”
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
軍營(yíng)里有二名士兵，一個(gè)叫喬治，一個(gè)叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”
比爾說：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。
喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢�！北葼栍职炎约旱墓P給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。
這時(shí)比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”
比爾說：“是的�！彪S即打開了門。
喬治說：“請(qǐng)幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。
“你還要什么?”比爾問。
喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五個(gè)月
第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④�，可他只有十六歲，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說他已經(jīng)十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆]幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。
“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問。
“十八，長(zhǎng)官�！奔s翰說。
“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”
約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長(zhǎng)官，我哥哥比我大五個(gè)月。”
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
父親、哥哥和我到西點(diǎn)軍校去觀看一場(chǎng)陸軍與波士頓大學(xué)之間的橄欖球賽。開始之前，我們到處轉(zhuǎn)了轉(zhuǎn)，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的學(xué)員。幾名游客問新兵是否愿意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝�！昂米屛覀兊膬鹤又�，如果他到西點(diǎn)軍校來學(xué)習(xí)會(huì)得到什么�！�
一對(duì)中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學(xué)員，問她是否愿意擺個(gè)姿勢(shì)照相。他們解釋說：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點(diǎn)軍校錯(cuò)過了什么�！�
Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
送給女友的禮物
在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個(gè)貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物�！耙野阉拿挚淘谏厦鎲�?”珠寶商問道。
那名顧客想了一會(huì)兒，然后說道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”
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