詼諧搞笑幽默的英語笑話

時間：2020-10-25 19:53:55 英語笑話我要投稿

詼諧搞笑幽默的英語笑話

　　The doctor lives downstairs

詼諧搞笑幽默的英語笑話

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　醫生住在樓下

　　“醫生”她沖進屋后大聲說道.

　　“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病.”

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她,然后大聲說：“太太,我有三件事要對你說.第一,您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅,您的美貌將會改變.第三,我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下.”

　　One Engine Left

　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

　　Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

　　At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

　　只剩一個引擎

　　一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時,喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：“旅客們請注意,我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了.但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的.只是我們要因此晚到一小時 .” 過了一會兒,旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：“各位,你們猜怎么啦?我們剛又掉了第三個引擎.但請你們相信好了.只有一個引擎我們也能飛,但要晚三個小時了.” 正在這時,一位乘客非常氣憤地說：“看在上帝的份上,如果我們再掉一個引擎,我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了.”

　　Logic Reasoning

　　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin

　　g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

　　A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

　　邏輯推理

　　小學四年級的教師正在給學生們上一堂邏輯課.她舉了這么一個例子：“有這樣一種情況,一個男人在河中心的船上釣魚,突然失去重心掉進了水里.于是他開始掙扎并喊救命.他的妻子聽到了他的喊聲,知道他并不會游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸.誰能告訴我這是為什么?” 一個女生舉手答道,“是不是去取他的`存款?”

　　[注]bank在英語中除了我們平時很熟悉的“銀行”之外,還有“河岸”的意思.

　　Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife?

　　This story is told of a browbeating counsel,who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses.

　　One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.

　　“I want‘yes’or‘no,’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”

　　“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no,’”mildly responded the witness.

　　“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.

　　“Oh,” said the witness,“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife?”

　　你停止打你老婆了嗎?

　　這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師,他慣于盡量去恐嚇對方的證人.

　　有一個證人有點傾向于在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋.

　　“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’,”辯護律師怒喝道： “你沒有必要就這個問題進行爭論.”

　　“可是有些問題無法用‘是’或者‘不是’來回答.”這位證人溫和地回敬他.

　　“不存在這樣的問題!”律師厲聲打斷他.

　　“噢,”證人說：“那么請你回答這個問題：“你停止打你老婆了嗎?”

　　Two Birds

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　兩只鳥

　　老師：這兒有兩只鳥,一只是麻雀.誰能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀嗎?

　　學生：我指不出,但我知道答案.

　　老師：請說說看.

　　學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀,麻雀旁邊的就是燕子.

　　Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles,boys?

　　體育老師：孩子們,你們見過男女混合雙打嗎?

　　Nick: Yes,sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.

　　尼克：見過,老師,經常見.就在昨天夜里我還見過呢!

　　Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.

　　老師：那你給大家講講當時的情形吧.

　　Nick: Oh,sorry,sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”

　　尼克：啊,對不起,老師.我爸爸常說:“家丑不可外揚.”

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