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史上最好笑的英語(yǔ)笑話匯總
誰(shuí)發(fā)現(xiàn)了澳大利亞?
Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me,Johnny.
老師: 約翰尼，在地圖上給我找出澳大利亞在什么地方。
Johnny: It's there , sir.
約翰尼: 先生，在這兒。
Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
老師: 對(duì)了。薩默，你來(lái)回答是誰(shuí)發(fā)現(xiàn)了澳大利亞?
Sammy: Johnny, sir.
薩默: 先生，是約翰尼。
狗住旅店
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
有個(gè)人給一家他計(jì)劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫(xiě)了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養(yǎng)，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經(jīng)營(yíng)旅館很多年了，狗從沒(méi)偷過(guò)毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫(huà)。我也從沒(méi)有在半夜因?yàn)楣泛茸砗[而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實(shí)際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來(lái)我們旅館，如果它為您擔(dān)保，也歡迎您來(lái)。
Another 40 Years to live
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
一名中年婦女心臟病突發(fā)被送到了醫(yī)院， 在手術(shù)臺(tái)上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 于是，她問(wèn)上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說(shuō)，“還沒(méi)有，你還能活43年，2個(gè)月零8天。” 身體快要康復(fù)的時(shí)候，這名女士想到自己還要活那么多年，得好好對(duì)待自己，于是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后還做了一個(gè)腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術(shù)。 她甚至還請(qǐng)人到醫(yī)院里面幫她頭發(fā)給染了。 做完最后一個(gè)手術(shù)，這位女士出院了， 但就在過(guò)馬路的時(shí)候，她被一輛風(fēng)馳電摯趕回醫(yī)院的救護(hù)車給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問(wèn)上帝，“我記得你說(shuō)我還能再活40年?” 上帝回答，“那個(gè)時(shí)候我沒(méi)認(rèn)出你來(lái)”。
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