雙語笑話及短篇新聞
雙語笑話：校園幼齒們的兩則笑話
1.Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
2.The Fish Net
Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?
A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.
魚網更多信息請訪問：http://www.24en.com/
你能告訴我魚網是什么做的嗎，安？ 老師發問道。
把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。 小女孩回答道。
雙語笑話：新老師
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家里。
喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？ 媽媽問。
媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。
雙語笑話：一次物理考試
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lightening first, then hear the thunder rolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什么在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？
尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
雙語短篇新聞：
THERE was a fire, an explosion and now a dark slick of oil disfigures the Gulf of Mexico like a bruise. The problems on the Deepwater Horizon oil rig, 41 miles (66km) off the Louisiana coast, began on Tuesday April 20th. The next morning officials reported that 11 of the 126 workers on the rig were missing. Two days later the rig sank and the Coast Guard called off the search for survivors.
前些天的火災、爆炸以及如今黑乎乎的海面浮油已經把墨西哥灣弄得像受了瘀傷一樣，面目全非�！吧钏仄骄�”，這座位于距路易斯安娜州海岸41英里（61公里）的海平面上的鉆井平臺，在4月20日（周二）開始出現問題。第二天，官員報告說在總共126名工人中，11人失蹤。兩天之后，因為鉆進平臺的沉陷海岸警衛隊終止了搜救行動。
Expert opinion, based on underwater scans, was that the sunken rig had not sprung a leak. But in the murky depths it is hard to get a clear picture. By Sunday it had become apparent that the experts were wrong. Oil is still gushing into the sea at a rate of 42,000 gallons (or 1,000 barrels) a day. And by Monday the slick measured 80 miles across and 42 miles from north to south in some places, with the western part 36 miles from Louisiana's coast.
專家們基于海底掃描器的探測結果，認為沉陷的鉆井平臺并沒有引發原油泄漏。但是在如此陰暗的海底，想要得到一張清晰的圖像是非常困難的。到了周日的時候，專家們的說法明顯被證明是錯誤的，因為原油仍在以42000加侖（1000桶）/天的速度涌入大海。到了周一，浮油區域的直徑達到了80英里，自北向南達42英里之長，最西面的地方僅僅距路易斯安那海岸36英里。
“This is one example where the US has learned its lesson," says Nancy Kinner, the co-director of the Coastal Response Research Centre. America suffered a devastating oil spill in 1989, when the Exxon Valdez, a large oil tanker, ran into a reef off the coast of Alaska. Around 11m gallons of oil gushed out, much finding its way onto the shores of the unspoilt wilderness surrounding Prince William Sound. Hundreds of birds, otters and seals washed ashore, suffocating and dying. As a result the latest disaster elicited a swift response. By Monday more than 1,000 people were on the scene, from BP, which was leasing the rig, from the Coast Guard, and from other state and federal agencies. They set to work skimming oily water and treating the slick with chemical dispersants.
“美國已經從此次事件中汲取了教訓�！�，海岸反應搜尋中心的主任Nancy Kinner說到。美國在1989年遭受過嚴重石油泄漏的危害，當時一艘名叫Exxon Valdez的油輪，在阿拉斯加海岸附近觸礁，大約11,000,000加侖的原油泄漏，大部分滲透到了當時還未受污染的威廉王子灣沿岸，迫使了成百上千的鳥類、水獺和海豹上岸，窒息而死。因為前車之鑒，人們對于這次災難的反應速度極快。周一時候，超過1000人來到了現場，有些人來自BP這家承租鉆井平臺的公司，有人來自海岸警衛隊，也有來自其他州和聯邦部門的。他們奮力地撇去水上的油污并用化油劑對付浮油。
The well is still gushing, however. BP’s technicians have been unable to activate the blow-out preventer, essentially a massive valve that must be operated remotely by robot submarines. To add to the difficulties bad weather has turned the water rough and further attempts must wait for calmer seas. If that fails, BP will have to try more elaborate measures. It is making preparations to drill another well nearby and thereby relieve pressure on the one that is leaking. But this could take a couple of months, so BP has plans to lower a massive dome over the leak site to suck oil from the seabed into vessels that can take it for safe disposal.
鉆井中的原油仍在涌出，但是BP的技工們卻不能啟動井噴防控裝置，這個裝置本質上是一個必須由機器人潛艇遠程操控的巨大閥門。而惡劣的天氣也為救援工作增加了難度，因為大風大浪，救援工作的進一步展開只有看天吃飯了。如果救援工作失敗，那么BP今后必須采取更為詳盡的措施，它正準備在附近鉆井，以此減少泄漏處所受到的壓力。但是鉆井工作畢竟會持續數月，所以BP已經計劃在泄漏處上方放置一個巨型的覆蓋物，海床附近的油會被覆蓋物吸到船中，并做更為安全的處理。
BP’s shares have fallen by over 2% since the severity of incident became apparent. If the oil starts to come ashore on the beaches of the four states under threat it could get worse for the company. An explosion at a BP oil refinery in Texas in 2005 that killed 15 workers, a series of other safety concerns and allegations that the company fixed propane prices have battered its reputation in America. Tony Hayward, BP’s boss, has been at pains to restore BP’s standing in America since taking over three years ago. But the rig explosion has already overshadowed BP’s announcement on Tuesday that it made unexpectedly strong profits of $5.6 billion in the first quarter of 2010.
在事態的嚴重性顯露之后，BP的股價下跌超過了2個百分點。如果處于此次事件威脅下的四大州的沿岸開始受到原油侵蝕的話，BP的處境會更糟糕。2005年，BP旗下一家位于德州的煉油廠發生爆炸事故，造成15名工人喪生，從而引發了一些關于安全的考慮；對于BP控制丙烷價格的說法也使公司在美國的名聲接受重創。老板Tony Hayward，接管BP三年來一直都在煞費苦心地挽回公司的形象。盡管BP在周二宣稱他們在2010年第一季度出人意料地盈利56億美元，但是在此次鉆井平臺的爆炸事件面前，不免相形見絀。
The spill is awkward for the president too. In March, Barack Obama surprisingly proposed opening new stretches of America’s Atlantic, Gulf, and Alaskan coasts to offshore drilling. Some reckoned this was a compromise to win Republican support for Mr Obama's climate-change bill. Opponents of the expansion are pointing to the spill as timely evidence of safety concerns over offshore oil extraction. The White House has said that its stance is unchanged.
這次事件也讓奧巴馬總統難堪不已，因為在三月，他提議新開辟一段位于大西洋、墨西哥灣和阿拉斯加沿的沿岸用于近海石油勘探。一些人認為奧巴馬的'做法是為了向共和黨妥協，以此贏得他們對于氣候改革議案的支持。反對這種擴張開采的人指出此次泄漏恰恰證明了近海原油開采具有的安全隱患。但是白宮的立場仍然未變。
Controlling the damage from the current spill is partly beyond human control. The wind is currently coming from the north-west, pushing the slick towards the mouth of the gulf and away from danger. Weather forecasts suggest that this should continue. If the wind changes and pushes the slick west towards Texas's beaches, that might be manageable. It could be removed later by scraping up the top layer of sand. The greatest fear is that the winds turn and drive the oil towards Louisiana’s ecologically rich marshlands. These are home to many species of birds and fish, some endangered. Drilling proponents accept that the occasional spill is the cost of extracting oil. If the slick reaches the coast there will be a heavy price to pay.
控制當前原油泄漏所帶來的損失從一定程度上超出了人類的能力范圍。如今，西北方正將浮油吹離墨西哥灣，降低了其危險性。天氣預報也間接表明西北風將繼續。如果風向改變并將浮油向西吹向德州的海灘，局勢是可以控制的。但是最令人擔心的是風向改變并將浮油吹向路易斯安那州的生態濕地，那里棲息著許多魚類和鳥類，一些已經瀕臨滅絕。偶爾發生的泄漏事件是開采原油的代價，這一說法已經被支持勘探的人所接受。如果浮油接近海岸的話，這將會是很沉重的代價
THE portrait of Gertrude Stein (shown right) was the first Picasso to enter the collection of New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art. It arrived in 1947. By then the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) had 82 of his works. The tortoise never overtook the hare. Nevertheless, with 500 works, the Met today has the second most important collection of Picassos in the United States. Now, 300 of them have been brought together for an exhibition (from April 27th to August 1st) that is absorbing and quirky—and has quite a tale to tell.
紐約大都會藝術博物館（Met）收藏中的第一件畢加索作品就是這幅葛楚德·斯坦的肖像。它于1947年來到這里。當時紐約現代藝術博物館（MoMA）已經擁有82件畢加索作品。烏龜的確從未超越兔子，但如今大都會博物館也以500件畢加索作品坐擁美國第二大畢加索作品收藏�，F在，其中的300件將于4月27日到8月1日間進行展出。這將是一場引人入勝而又離奇古怪的展覽——其中的故事也很值得娓娓道來。
On view are all of the Met’s Picasso paintings, drawings, sculptures and ceramics and half of its 400 prints. From the painter’s rose period there is “The Actor”, newly restored. “Head of a Woman”, Picasso’s first large cubist sculpture, occupies the centre of a room devoted to that period. “Woman Reading” is a love song to a mistress and muse, Marie-Thérèse Walter. In sharp contrast, “Man with a Lollipop” is an unsettling introduction to the artist’s cruel streak. One large room is hung with jaunty linoleum prints. There are also visual puns. “Tie”, cut out of paper, has four eyes drawn in crayon descending from its faux knot to its point. It was a gift to Alfred Barr, MoMA’s first director, who was famed for his good eye.
展品包括大都會博物館所有的畢加索油畫、素描、雕塑、陶器制品，以及400件版畫作品的一半。畢加索"玫瑰時期"的畫作《演員》是新近才修復好的。畢加索的第一件大型立體主義雕塑作品《一個女人的頭》占據了"玫瑰時期"展廳的中心。《閱讀中的女人》是一首獻給瑪麗-特瑞莎·華勒特的情歌——畢加索的情婦，他的繆斯女神。與此形成強烈對比的是《拿著棒棒糖的男人》，它如同一個不安的起點，將引領你走入藝術家令人痛苦的筆觸和條紋。另一個大房間里掛滿了一系列輕松活潑的油氈版畫。其中也有一些視覺的雙關。用紙裁剪出的作品《領帶》上，四只用蠟筆繪成的眼睛從領帶的"假結"一直延伸到領帶末端。這是畢加索送給紐約現代藝術博物館第一任館長，以好眼力聞名的阿爾弗雷德·巴爾的禮物。
Most of the Met’s Picassos came as bequests or gifts. In his catalogue essay, the exhibition’s curator, Gary Tinterow, wittily tells the story of how they came to be where they are. It is fun to match the works on view with the people who gave them, speculating about the characters of the benefactors. Scofield Thayer, a poet and publisher, favoured dreamy Picassos with the odd bit of pornography thrown in. Alfred Stieglitz, photographer and art dealer, preferred edgy, angular cubist works on paper. Jacques and Natasha Gelman, film buffs, seemed to concentrate on nervy, aggressive images.
大都會博物館畢加索藏品的大部分來自遺贈或禮物。在本次畢加索展覽負責人，Gary Tinterow的目錄文章里，他俏皮地講述了這些作品的來龍去脈。將這些作品和他們饋贈者的性格特質聯系起來，是頗有趣味的。（邊看這些展品，邊把它們和捐贈人聯系起來，想想是他們會是些什么樣的人，這倒是挺有意思的。）詩人和出版商Scofield Thayer推崇愛異想天開時期的畢加索，作品中帶有些許可有可無的色情味道。Alfred Stieglitz是一位攝影師和藝術品經銷商，他對那些銳利的、帶有棱角的紙上立體主義作品情有獨鐘。Jacques Gelman和Natasha Gelman都是電影迷，他們似乎專注于那些緊繃的、具有侵略性的畫面。
From its opening in 1870, the Met showed contemporary art. But both the art and the men who ran the museum were conservative. During the century that followed, the men remained much the same. Art changed radically.
自1870年開張以來，大都會博物館一直有當代藝術的展出。然而那些藝術品和博物館的管理者都是保守一派。之后整個世紀內的繼任者也如出一轍。然而在藝術方面卻發生了翻天覆地的變化。
In 1921 champions of impressionist and post-impressionist art from France proposed a show. The Met’s trustees were afraid it would provoke public outrage and Bryson Burroughs, its director, thought Picasso a madman. But the modernists, including Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney, an heiress and sculptor, kept up the pressure and, reluctantly, the Met went ahead. There was a press uproar. “Friends” of the museum issued a pamphlet giving warning of its moral decay.
1921年，法國的印象主義和后印象主義先鋒們想要舉辦一次展覽。當時大都會博物館的理事們擔心會激怒公眾。館長Bryson Burroughs覺得畢加索是個瘋子。然而，包括Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney（女繼承人，雕塑家）在內的現代主義者們頂住了壓力，堅持要進行展覽，大都會萬般無奈之下，只好同意。當時的記者們一片喧嘩。博物館的“朋友們”發行了一本小冊子，用來警示其淪喪的道德標準。
A quarter of a century later Stein bequeathed Picasso’s portrait to the Met. It may seem a perverse decision for a self-declared modernist. But she had a stupendous ego. In her view the work was a collaboration between two 20th-century geniuses: the artist and his sitter. It deserved, it demanded, a secure home. In 1946, when Stein wrote her will, MoMA was only 15 years old. The Met was established and rich.
二十五年后斯坦把畢加索為自己所畫的肖像捐給了大都會博物館。對于自詡現代主義者的她而言，看起來這可能是個乖張的決定。然而她曾是那么驚人地自負。在她看來這幅作品是二十世紀兩位天才之間的合作：畫家和他的模特。這副作品值得有，也必須有一個安全的藏身之處。1946年，當斯坦女士寫下她的遺囑時，紐約現代藝術博物館只有十五年歷史，而相比之下大都會博物館則盛名久遠，藏品也更豐富。
Luckily for the Met others too found this a persuasive argument. For the museum had no acquisition policy. There was no targeting of works to fill gaps. The helter-skelter collection just accumulated. None of Picasso’s pots and plates came to the Met; there is nothing of his imaginative metal sculpture. The weight is on early works: the blue, rose and classical periods leading to cubism. What might seem a limitation gives the show a freshness that retrospectives often lack.
大都會博物館是幸運的，其他饋贈者也覺得斯坦的理由很有說服力。博物館沒有任何獲得藏品的相關政策，也沒有計劃用特定作品來填補缺口。于是來一件收藏一件，就這樣逐漸積少成多。畢加索的陶罐和盤子藝術品，還有他那些想象力豐富的金屬雕塑作品都沒有來到大都會。大都會所收藏的主要是他早期的作品：從藍色時期、玫瑰時期、古典時期，到后來的立體主義時期。這看似有限的收藏卻給展出帶來了一絲新鮮感，這種新鮮感正是回顧展所缺乏的。
A degree of balance is achieved at the exhibition’s end. The last room is hung with 119 prints from Picasso’s Suite 347, aquatints and etchings made in 1968, five years before he died. They are a visual autobiography. Here is the artist with his models and his mentors, among them Raphael and Velázquez. There are horses and musketeers, lovers and lots of women with their legs open wide.更多信息請訪問：http://www.24en.com/
展出的最后一部分達到了某種程度的平衡。最后一個展廳掛著119副畢加索《347套房》系列版畫、凹版腐蝕制版畫和銅版畫。這些作品創作于藝術家逝世前五年的1968年。它們是畢加索的視覺自傳。這里你能看到他和他的偶像們和導師們在一起，其中就有拉斐爾和委拉斯開茲。這些作品中你能看到馬、火槍手、情人和許多大腿張開的女人。
Cynics may suppose that this exhibition of the Met’s own treasures is a bid to make the best of recession cutbacks (shows of pictures on loan are expensive). The museum’s director, Tom Campbell, insists that this is not so: “this is not the Met in lockdown mode.” Instead, it reflects his decision to increase the attention given to the museum’s magnificent permanent collection. Big loan-shows are on the way. But so are more in-house blockbusters.
諷世者可能會猜測這次大都會博物館展出自己的珍品其實是想要從經濟衰退中獲取最大的利益（借畫來展出的費用是很昂貴的）。館長Tom Campbell堅持聲明事實并非如此：“大都會沒有停止不前�！跋喾矗@次展出折射出館長的決定，即增加人們對博物館永恒恢弘的收藏品的注意力。通過借畫的大型展出正在醞釀中。更多博物館的自家珍藏也會展出。
珍妮佛安妮斯頓長裙"羅曼秀"
珍妮佛安妮斯頓在首映式上，以一襲希臘長裙艷驚四座。這種“羅曼秀”的慣例是不是令人有點兒疲勞了？
Jennifer Aniston dazzles at premiere in a gorgeous Grecian dress (but isn't this showmance routine getting a little tired?)
珍妮佛安妮斯頓在首映式上，以一襲希臘長裙艷驚四座（這種“羅曼秀”的慣例是不是令人有點兒疲勞了？）
She usually plays it safe on the red carpet in her favourite look - a little black dress - but last night Jennifer Aniston pulled out all the stops for the New York premiere of her new romcom, The Bounty Hunter.
珍妮佛通常是以保守的姿態出現在紅地毯上——她經常穿黑色小連衣裙。但昨晚珍妮佛在她的最新浪漫喜劇《賞金獵人》的首映式上使出了渾身解數。
The actress, 41, surprised the crowd with a nude-coloured Grecian jersey dress by Donna Karan which skimmed neatly over her incredibly toned physique.
這位41歲的女演員身著唐娜卡蘭設計的肉色希臘針織連衣裙驚艷了全場，這身衣服巧妙的襯托出她美麗的古銅色肌膚。
But there was another element to the night which was far more predictable - her over-the-top display of friendly affection with co-star Gerard Butler.
但這晚還有另外一件很確鑿的事情——她秀出了她與合作的男影星杰拉德·巴特勒的友愛之情，而她似乎有點兒秀過火了。
It's a familiar sight for seasoned red-carpet watchers, who have seen the pair put on similar performances at the UK premiere in London last week and as far back as the Golden Globes in January.
這一幕對那些經常觀看紅地毯走秀的觀眾們非常熟悉，因為他們看到過這對搭檔在上周英國倫敦的首映式中，上演了類似一出表演，而再往前算，他們在一月份金球獎現場也上演了同一出戲。
The co-stars have also raved about one another on morning talk shows, late-night chat programmes and magazine covers.
這對合作的明星在早間脫口秀欄目、晚間談話節目以及雜志封面訪談中，也互為對方而傾倒。
While they have clearly courted attention with persistent touchy-feely routines and gushing comments, the pair have simultaneously denied any romantic links.
雖然他們以露骨的身體接觸方式以及互相過分的稱贊吸引了人們的眼球，但這對搭檔卻同時否定，他們之間沒有擦出愛情的火花。
They even holidayed together in Mexico but Jennifer insists their relationship is genuine and platonic.
盡管他們在墨西哥一起度假，但珍妮佛仍堅持表示，他們之間的關系很純粹，有的只是精神上的交流。
She says: 'You know there's all this stuff about calculating... that me and Gerry are in this fake relationship for the press of our movie or the selling of it.
她說，“我總聽到這類言論，人們認為我和杰瑞是想用這種假情侶關系來吸引人們對電影的關注，或是提高電影的賣座�！�
'It's just so insulting at the same time, but again it's the story... I'm getting to a better place in understanding that they're just making money.'
“這對我們實在是一種侮辱，但我還是要說這畢竟只是編造的故事，我現在只是這么想，人們編造這些新聞只是為了賺錢�！�
小孩頻用手機會導致脫發
在一項對于健康的重點調查中，物理放射學家Lawrie Challis在這項調查中說她早就覺得小于12歲的孩子不應該使用手機。手機輻射的危害大家都清楚，為什么要讓小孩子這么早就受其危害呢？
Doubts about the long-term safety of mobile phones have been raised again today at the launch of a major investigation into potential health risks.
在一項對于健康的重點調查中，長期使用手機是否安全的話題又被大家擺上了桌面。
At the launch, Lawrie Challis, a physicist and expert on the effects of radiation, said he already thought under-12s should not use mobile phones.
物理放射學家Lawrie Challis在這項調查中說她早就覺得小于12歲的孩子不應該使用手機。
He also advises teenagers to use their phone to text, rather than talk, where possible and adults to use hands-free headsets.
他還建議孩子們多發信息少打電話，如果可能的話，盡量和大人們一起使用免提耳機。
Ever since the technology emerged in the 1980s and 1990s there were claims of health problems linked to mobile phones ranging from brain cancer to migraines and infertility.
自從這項技術在80-90年代出現以來，人們就聲稱手機會導致健康問題，包括脫發，偏頭痛及腦癌。
Results from individual participating countries have suggested an association between more than 10 years of mobile phone usage and some tumours.
個別參與國的調查已經表明了連續10年以上的手機使用和腫瘤的某種聯系。
But it is still not clear to what extent this might be due to 'selection bias' - cancer patients over-reporting mobile phone use on the side of the head where their tumour arose.
但是還不清楚到什么程度。這個可能也和選擇習慣有關。癌癥患者的報告顯示，哪邊大腦使用手機多，哪邊的腫瘤就會變大。
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