民族短笑話爆笑的
民族短笑話爆笑的一：
真有一巴掌拍死他的沖動
男朋友昨晚睡覺睡得好好，突然一下把我緊緊的抱著，呢喃了一句“還好，你還在。”瞬間哭的稀里嘩啦的，結(jié)果這貨來了句，“都說了，這頭豬我不賣。”
這個你就放心吧
最近在網(wǎng)上看了很多關(guān)于閨密撕逼的貼，今天我跟閨密開玩笑說：“女人之間真的好可怕，咱們平時這么相親相愛，說不定哪一天你就在別人面前說我綠茶婊了呢。”閨密聽后眼神堅定望著我說：“這個你就放心吧，綠茶婊，首先顏要過得去，像你長這樣，怎么婊也沒人去理會你。”
你想讓我出來就趕緊消失在我眼前
一男一女被人追殺，跑著跑著，遇見一條墻縫，女的把衣服脫了才鉆過去，男的鉆到一半卡住了。女：用力啊，就差一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)。男：你走啊女：我怎么可以扔下你不管。男：你想讓我出來就趕緊消失在我眼前。
你姐是個雕
昨天跟姐姐，姐夫一起去看撒嬌女人最好命，然后電影中說男人都喜歡小鳥依人的女人，然后我就問我姐夫，我姐是不是小鳥依人的，姐夫神回復(fù)，你姐是個雕!
我不會欺負(fù)它的
女兒毛毛特調(diào)皮，比男孩子還男孩子。星期天我?guī)游飯@玩耍，在接近一個關(guān)東北虎的鐵籠子時，我提醒毛毛：“離它遠(yuǎn)點(diǎn)!”毛毛聞聽，幽幽地接話道：“媽媽，沒事。我今天心情好，不會欺負(fù)它的!”
兒子想要什么樣的老婆
一天，媽媽問兒子：“你將來想找個什么樣的.老婆啊?”兒子仰起臉天真的說：“我要找個像媽媽這樣的!”媽媽很高興的繼續(xù)問：“為什么啊?”兒子說：“這樣，我以后有外遇老婆也發(fā)現(xiàn)不了。”
給我滾遠(yuǎn)點(diǎn)
老師：“國旗就像我們的母親，我們要像愛護(hù)母親一樣愛護(hù)國旗。” 小明：“你把你媽吊起來掛桿子上啊!” 老師：“滾出去!”
當(dāng)事人和肇事者
老婆懷孕了，老公想陪她一起到醫(yī)院做個檢查，恰好有事去不了，只能讓她一個人去了。回到家，老公問老婆檢醫(yī)生怎么說。老婆滿臉不悅的道：“醫(yī)生說，怎么當(dāng)事人一個人來了，肇事者沒有陪同啊?!”
民族短笑話爆笑的二：
Easy or Not
Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".
"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"
一位婦女把車沿著我們銀行的驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口開過來，可她并不滿意于她停的位置。因此她倒車，靠得更近點(diǎn)。還是不滿意，倒車，再來。五次努力后，終于她把車停下來，搖下車窗。我簡單地問候她一聲“早上好”。
“早上好，”她愉快地回答說，“以后我都要使用這種驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口。真是如此的方便。”
假如我是一個經(jīng)理
One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.
一天課上，老師要同學(xué)們以如果我是一個經(jīng)理為題寫一篇作文。所有的學(xué)生都在動筆寫了，只有一個男生例外。老師走過去問他為什么不寫。我在等我的秘書。那孩子答道。
A Life for a Life(以“命”抵命)
The English author，Richard Savage，was once living in London in great poverty.In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life，but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops，and Savage was living from hand tomouth.As a result of his lack of food he became very ill，butafter a time，owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him，he got well again.After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits， but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it.The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again. But still no money came. Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money.Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment，saying to Savage，“You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.” “I agree，” said Savage，“that I owe my life to you， and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled，The life of Richard Savage.
英國作家理查德·薩維奇一度在倫敦過著貧困潦倒的生活，為了賺幾個錢，他曾寫了有關(guān)他自己生平的故事。但是這部書在書店里并沒有賣出幾本，薩維奇過著朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物，他病得很厲害。后來，由于給他治療的那個醫(yī)生的高明醫(yī)術(shù)，他才又恢復(fù)了健康。過了一兩個星期之后，醫(yī)生給薩維奇送來了一張討要診費(fèi)的帳單，但是貧窮的薩維奇沒有錢來償付。醫(yī)生等了一個月后又送來了帳單，但仍然未索回分文。幾個星期之后，他又送來帳單要錢。最后，醫(yī)生本人來到了薩維奇的家中，對他說：“你明白，你是欠我一條命的，我希望你有所報答。” “是的，”薩維奇說，“我是欠你一條命，為了向你證明我對你的診治不是不報答，我將把我的命給你。” 說著這番話，薩維奇遞給醫(yī)生兩卷書，名叫《理查德·薩維奇的一生》。
What Was It She Wanted?
A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer.“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon.” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now whatwas it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.
一個商店經(jīng)理聽見一個店員對顧客說：“不，夫人，這會兒沒有，一時半會兒看來也不會有。”經(jīng)理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：“當(dāng)然，馬上就會有的。我們上周訂了貨。”然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什么——說我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到�，F(xiàn)在你說她要買什么?” “雨，”店員說。
A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買鸚鵡
A preacher is buying a parrot
Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.
Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.
Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?
I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.
一個傳教士在買鸚鵡
“你確信它不會尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。
“哦，絕對不會。它是一只虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主保證說。
“你看見它腿上的這些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動右面的這根，它會背誦天主經(jīng)，當(dāng)你拉動左面的那根，它會背誦贊美詩”
“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時拉動兩條繩子，會發(fā)生什么呢?”
“我會從樹干上掉下去的，你這個笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。
再愛我一次
大林下班回家太晚了，老婆破口大罵。大林小聲辯解：“結(jié)婚前愛得死去活來，結(jié)婚后簡直是判若兩人!你就不能再愛我一次?”老婆聽了，聲音更大了：“你個王八蛋!”“我是讓你愛我，不是讓你罵我!”老婆振振有詞：“打是親，罵是愛嘛!要不我再親你一次?”
等價交換.
甲：你老婆不是要你戒煙嗎?怎么又抽上了呢?乙：跟老婆進(jìn)行等價交換!
甲：什么等價交換?乙：我跟老婆說要戒煙可以，但必須答應(yīng)我一個條件!甲：什么條件?乙：要戒煙就不能要求干次數(shù)，要干就得讓我抽煙。
我笑尿了
今早上騎摩托車去上班，前面岔路上拐出一哥們，帶著頭盔，是全盔的那種，一手加油門，一手拿支煙，把煙從頭盔的透視窗那里往嘴里遞的時候高潮來了，煙頭掉頭盔里了，你能想象那哥們剎車摘頭盔的樣子嗎，我想他這輩子也不會再這樣抽煙了吧。
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